The Caring Heart
by ladyxlax
Summary: It is about a girl who is abused by her father & finds strengh and peace in Thom(Alanna's son). Then it is discovered that she has a power that could change the world...or kill her;explores her adventures & hardships through love&the discovery of herself.
1. The Markets of Corus

Disclaimer: the characters and the world of Tortall all come from Tamora Peirce's imagination, except Lanen and Jocelin   
  
Acknowlegdements: chirpybookworm-for helping me get through my first fanfic  
  
  
  
"So, what did you do while I was away?," Alanna, the first woman knight of Tortall, the King's Campion, Lady of Trebond and Pirate's Swoop, and heir of Barony Olua, asked her son, Thom.  
  
"I met a girl," replied Thom, who had a very strange look in his eyes. Thom, now 16, tall with his mother's red hair and his father's hazel eyes, was quiet handsome.  
  
"Well, are you going to tell me about it or not?!" Alanna demanded. Thom grinned at his mother, reminding her of her husband, George-once the King of Thieves.  
  
" It a started while me'n Dad" "Dad and I," corrected Alanna. "Anyway, it all started when we were in Corus and Dad was showing me all of his old favorite places, when I saw this man drag a girl into the street who was about my age. I thought I knew her from somewhere, although at the time I couldn't tell where; now I know that she used to go to school with me. Well, Dad was to busy dealing with the man at the stand that he didn't notice anything. . .  
~  
. . "Where the hell have you been?" yelled the girl's father, Roger, dragging her out into the streets of Corus by her arm. The man was obviously drunk and very angry.  
  
"I was working and making some money, which is more than I can say for you!," Lanen replied hotly. She was a girl of 15, standing at an average height of 5'1, a strong build, with auburn/blonde hair and fiery green eyes. Suddenly Roger slapped her across the face, "Don't talk back to me, Bitch!" he yelled at her. Lanen slowly looked back into his cold, glittering eyes, she had had enough. This only made Roger angrier. He swaggered and punched her in the face, and then in her stomach. Lanen, with a bloody nose and gasping for breath, fell to her hands and knees. But she refused to give into his beatings anymore, and started to get up, when he kicked his daughter again and again without mercy. . .  
. . . By now, George's attention was drawn to the man and the girl that his son was watching. When George saw, who he was only assuming was the girl's father strike her for a second time, he started at them in a run with Thom not far behind.   
  
As George tackled Roger to the ground, Thom went to Lanen to help her up. Lanen, who was now on her hands and knees fighting for air while she heaved up blood and what little she had eaten, pushed away the helping hands and slowly got up. She wiped her face and looked into Thom's. . .   
~  
. . . "I'll never forget her eyes when she looked at me," Thom told his mother. "Her eyes. . .," he sighed remembering, "her eyes were full of her emotions: sadness, pain, greatfulness for releasing her from his tyranny,understanding of why he beat her, but. . . I also saw her forgiveness for him.(Thom saw all this in a moment) Then she smiled,despite all that just happened,she smiled, and said 'Thankyou'. Then she walked over to Dad, who was then telling Lord Provost what had happened, bowed, held out her hand and said 'thankyou'. Everyone there was quiet, I don't think any of us will ever forget this, Lanen went to her father, the man who gave her life yet beat her, looked at him with eyes that were cold and said: ' May Mithros have mercy on you and the Black God bless your soul.' Then when he looked up her eyes were full of love and forgiveness; and he couldn't, after all he's done, understand why she looked at him that way. I don't think any of us could, but she earned everyone's respect(now including Alanna's). . .   
~   
. . . "After Mom and Rosie and Ephinney were killed I felt the same way you did, but I knew they wouldn't want us to live in constant sorrow for them. But you didn't see that, instead you drank and drank drowning your sorrows, and then you got so angry, said it was my fault, and took it out on me. I understand, I wanted to blame it on someone or something but I knew it was no one's fault. So I'm forgiving you now because I don't want it to end this way, and because your my father." Lanen told him. She then got up and started to walk away.  
  
"WAIT!. . . Where are you going?. . . You can't leave me here!" cried Roger frantically.  
  
Lanen slowly turned around and walked back to her father. With tears in her eyes she replied, "I'm sorry, but you still have to pay for what you've done." Then bent down and kissed him on the check one last time, and walked away. 


	2. Learning to Trust New Friend

Lanen had just walked out of site of her father when she collapsed into Thom's arms.  
  
"I. . .," Thom put a finger to her lips to quiet her.  
  
"Shhh! I can help." Thom said as he held up a hand shinning with his Gift. "Sleep."  
  
George walked around the corner to find Thom with the girl in his lap, both glowing with the emerald green of Thom's Gift. "Is she going to be alright?" George asked his son.   
  
"She has a broken nose and a few cracked ribs." Thom said as her gently picked Lanen up.  
  
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Eleni of Olau rushed to greet her son as he walked in. George hugged his mother, now married to to Alanna's adoptive father,Myles, who he shook hands with.  
  
"Who's this? and What happened to her?the poor dear," asked Eleni as she ushered Thom to lie her down on the bed. Thom quickly explained what had happened, as he looked worriedly at Lanen, who was being taken care of by his grandmother-a healer and once the high priestess for the Great Mother Goddess.  
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"Grandmother said that she would be fine." Thom told his mother.  
  
"You mean she's here?" asked Alanna.  
  
"Yes, and my mother's taking good care of her," said George as he walked into the room and kissed his wife.   
  
"What's going to happen to her?" Thom asked his parents, looking very worried.  
  
"Well, she's old enough to take care of herself." replied George.  
  
"Or, if she's educated then she could join the Queen's Riders." said Alanna.  
  
"She's a very strong girl and I don't doubt she can take care of herself," replied Myles as he walked in "but then again the Queen's Riders are already in training and it will be another year before anymore trainees are excepted. I would hate to just through her out into the street." Thom smiled greatfully at his grandfather, who winked at him. Alanna smiled at her father knowing he was right.  
  
"We could take her back to Pirate's Swoop with us," suggested George "if that's alright with you, lass."  
  
"I would be happy to have her at Pirate's Swoop." said Alannna, noting the brief relief that showed in Thom's eyes.  
  
Lanen's first few weeks at Pirate's Swoop were spent studying the fighting arts with Alanna, learning useful tricks from George, and becoming fast friends with Thom. Although her days were pleasant, her nights were filled with dreams of her horrible past. On one such night, Numair and Daine came to Pirate's Swoop to talk to George and Alanna.  
  
"I spoke to Jon, and it seems that northern Tortall is being attacked by Immortals." Numair, one of the most powerful mages in the world, told Alanna and George. "The king wants us all to report to the palace."   
  
"I'll go tell the children," sighed George.  
  
"I'll stay here if you like" offered Daine smiling at her friend.  
  
"Thank you" said Alanna, smiling back.  
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"Now, I want you all to behave for Maude and Daine. I'll be back as soon as I can." Alanna told her younger children as she disappeared under thier hugs.  
  
"Stay safe and may the Gods bless you Numair." Daine told her teacher, friend, and lover. She slid her arms around his neck and kissed him goodbye. "I love you, magelet." said Numair.  
  
George was talking to Thom and Lanen, explaining the situation. "Now, I'm leaving you and Daine in charge in case anything goes wrong. If it does, you know how to contact us." George said as he embraced his son.  
  
"May Mithros light your path m'lord," said Lanen as she extended her hand to George, who took it and then hugged the young woman he had come to know so well in the last few weeks. "And I'm no lord!" said George.  
  
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In the time that followed, Lanen became good friends with Daine and slowly learned to trust again. "Lanen, I know why you're at Pirate's Swoop. I learned a long time ago that it doesn't help to keep everything bottled up inside, will you now trust me enough and tell me what happened?" asked Daine.  
  
"Alright, but don't interrupt please. I lived a fine life with my family in the capital. Ocassionaly we would visit my grandparents in the mountain village of Dunlath, until they were killed by raiders. That spring we went there to bury them. My ma and sisters. . .we were out picking flowers for my grandparent's grave when I heard something. I thought it was my da so I went to see, instead it was a Taros. I was about to scream to them. . .Ma, Rosie, and Ephinney. . .when my da grabbed me from behind. He told me not to scream, he would only come after us. I asked why wasn't he doing anything, and do you know what he told me? He told me...He told me they were immortal,like the Gods, that they lived forever-you couldn't kill them. I know better now. I wanted to run to them, try to do something, but my da wouldn't let go. He made me watch." Tears were slowly running down Lanen's face, her eyes were cold and full of grief. "He made me watch as the Taros killed my sisters, then raped and killed my mother, then raped my dead sisters' bodies. I was 10 years old. I can still hear their screams and see their faces. I was too horror-stricken, to even realize he was drunk. That bastard! that bastard only cared about his own life! After, he kept drinking, told me it was my fault and beat me for it. Four years, he'd beat me for 4 years, until I realized that it wasn't my fault: it was his, the son of a bitch! I don't know why I forgave him. I guess because he was the only family I had left, and he finally pays for all he has done."  
  
Daine was crying as she got up, and hugged her friend. "I'm sorry," she whispered "my mother was killed by bandits, and I know how hard it is to trust again. You are the most courageous, and bravest person I know."   



	3. Ill Occurances

  
  
"NO!...stop Thom, please...you don't know what you're talking about!" cried Lanen, distraught with anger and grief.  
  
"I don't do I? You know what I think? I think he beat you because you probably deserved it!" yelled Thom. He knew that wasn't fair, but he didn't care. Tears slowly rolled down Lanen's face, but at Thom's last words she looked up, her eyes glittering with fury, and slapped him across the face.   
  
"I hate you, and I don't ever want to see you again." Lanen said with a quiet, trembling voice as she walked out. She kept walking until she was out of the fortress and into the woods.   
  
Lanen wasn't sure of how long she walked in the icy rain, thinking. She was just about to turn around and go back when she realized she wasn't alone. Slowly, Lanen bent down, pulled out the knife tucked in her boot, as something grabbed her from behind. Her heart squeezed with pain as she felt behind her the powerful body of the hated immortal that had killed her mother and sisters. Lanen was ready and stabbed her knife in it's leg, and twisted. The Taros roared in pain as he let go, but Lanen had nowhere to run, so she turned to face it.   
  
"Goddess help me, and Mithros give me strength.So mote it be!" she prayed.  
  
This immortal was seven feet tall with short strong horns. He had a bull's broad, powerful neck and slablike shoulders, but the large eyes pointed forward, like a predator's, her predator. The rest was partly human, except his legs sported hooves, and the body was built on a large scale to support his massive head. She knew that their sight was poor, but the Taros that she faced now knew he had to fight for his prey.   
  
Roaring with fury, the Taros advanced at a run, ramming his large body into Lanen. The knife, her only weapon, was knocked from her hand in the impact that almost knocked her unconscious. She kicked and screamed and fought with all her might as the Taros ripped her clothes off. She refused to let give up and let him win. When, suddenly, she remembered what George had told her:   
  
"When your enemy has taken all your weapons and you have n'thing left and no strength, use your head." So, Lanen leaned back and rammed her head up, into his face with all her strength. The creature let of one startled roar and fell on top of her dead.   
  
Lanen had just managed to roll the 250 pound creature off her when she heard a twig snap nearby. Lanen lurked to her feet, grabbed her knife and turned around to find Thom standing there, staring at the dead Taros. The knife slowly fell from Lanen numb fingers. As she realized it had stopped raining, Thom swept her into a tight hug.   
  
"Thank the Gods you're alright! I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Lanen." whispered Thom as her held her icy body against his. Lanen was content enough to hold on to him as she cried, while Thom whispered in her ear.   
  
"Come on, we'll have to camp tonight. There's a cave nearby." said Thom.  
  
The last thing Lanen remembered before she fainted with exhaustion, was Thom mounting the horse behind her.  
  
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Lanen awoke to find herself in Thom's arms near the fire. She sighed, snuggled closer, and fell back to sleep realizing that she loved him. Later, Lanen opened her eyes to find George and Alanna standing there, but that isn't what she saw. Lanen saw her father, drunk and angry, coming toward her. Quickly she stood, clutching the blanket to her body.  
  
"This isn't what it looks like. I...We didn't... Please..." Lanen babbled in horror as she backed up and fell over Thom. Only to continue backing up into the wall, where she curled into a ball crying and muttering.  
  
Thom woke up to see his parents staring at Lanen, confused. George was walking toward her while she backed up into the wall.   
  
"Dad, stop. She thinks you're Roger." Thom told his father. Thom walked over to Lanen and gently raised her tear-stained face.   
  
"Please don't hit me, I'm sorry" Lanen whispered.  
  
"Lanen it's Thom...Lanen, I'm not going to hit you." Still Lanen cried and repeated it over and over again. So, Thom not knowing what else to do, did the exact opposite of what she was expecting. He softly kissed her. Lanen was so shocked that she came out of her momentary lapse, quickly realizing what had happened.  
  
"I'm sorry...I didn't mean to...I..." cried Lanen.  
  
"I know. It's not your fault. Shhhhh" said Thom as he picked her up into his arms. " Lets go home."   
  
  
  
  



	4. Celebrations

* two years later *  
  
At the palace, squires were undergoing their Ordeals of Knighthood. Thoms had just past and he was now asleep,awaiting the mid-winter festival where he would be knighted by the King.   
  
Numair, who was performing experiments, opened his eyes with a start and went to find Daine. He found her in practice yards, shooting with Lanen. When she saw Numair wave her over, she went to see what was on his mind. "What are you thinking about?" she asked Numair, who was tugging on his nose thoughtfully.  
  
"I was viewing the palace magically and notice something. Have you looked around lately?" he asked as Daine shook her head. He placed his fingers on Daine's temples saying, "look at Lanen," who blazed with white light.   
  
"What is that? That's not like any magic I've ever seen."  
  
"I don't know, I've never seen anything like it. It's not the Gift or Wild magic, I would have noticed that without magic. I'll have to ask Jon." Numair said as he opened a speaking spell in his hand.  
  
"Yes Numair?"  
  
"Jon are you busy?"  
  
"When am I not? I'm in my study."  
  
"Have you had a look around lately, magically?" Puzzled the King did so as Numair and Daine entered his study.  
  
"What kind of magic is that?" King Jonathan asked Numair.  
  
"Have you ever heard of the Essence of Life? I think that is what Lanen has, but I'm not sure." at Daine's questioning look Numair explained. "The essence of life is in everything: humans, animals, the land,and even immortals, but I've never heard of someone who has so much."  
  
"The Essence of Life...I've read of that somewhere. Bazhir magic is part the essence of life, but also part of the desert's magic. Maybe she's a God's vessel?" wondered Jon. "Myles might know."  
  
"No, Gods vessel's have to have wild magic and lots of anger. At least thats what the Graveyard Hag told me." said Daine, grinning, as Myles walked in. Jon quickly explained what they had been discussing while Myles tugged his beard, thinking.  
  
"The Bazhirs are descendants of the Ancient Ones" replied Myles.  
  
"Lindhall might know" said Numair as he called on a speaking spell. Lindhall Reed was Numair's old teacher from the University of Carthak and good friend.  
  
"Numair?" asked Lindhall. "I've never heard of a speaking spell that worked this far apart. But then again you are a powerful mage and..."  
  
"Lindhall, have you ever heard of the Essence of Life?"  
  
"Yes, but I thought it was just a legend. Why?"  
  
"Did I ever tell you about Lanen? Well, she's brimming with it."  
  
"It was said that the essence of life is in everything, and that a child would be born who possessed it in great amounts. That the bearer would be greater than the Gods themselves, for the essence of life is apart of them. If Lanen has the power you say she has, then she could bring the destruction of the world, if it is preordained. It's said that the Ancient Ones were destoryed by one with such power in pure hate."  
  
"Thanks, Lindhall. We'll let you know if anything occurs," Numair told his friend as he ended the speaking spell.   
  
"If that is true, then Lanen could do anything...she could raise the dead or...she could shapeshift into anything, maybe even an immortal." drawled the king.  
  
"If it is preordained she could destroy the world, but Lindhall said 'in pure hate'and Lanen doesn't hate everything. I mean she forgave her father. I wonder what he meant by that?" Myles pondered.  
  
"There are to many 'what ifs' for me! Should we tell her?" asked Daine.  
  
"I think we should wait till we know for sure. Besides, I'm sure we'll all find out in due time." said Numair.  
  
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Lanen knocked on the door wearing a green gown that matched the color of her eyes and was embroidered with gold. She wore her light auburn hair in curls piled on top of her head. "Your highness," she curtsied as the door was open. "I came to get Thom."  
  
  
"Mithros bless Lanen. You look stunning." Prince Roald said has he kissed her hand. "I never thought I would see you in dress. Well, I have to go, Father wants to talk to me. See you there."   
  
Lanen went and knocked on the door that connected Thom's room to Roald's. Thom had been Roald's squire, just as Alanna had been Jon's.  
She knocked again and when Thom didn't answer she went in. He was still asleep. As she sat on the side of the bed, she sighed thinking: He's so handsome and now he's a knight. Oh, how she longed for him want her. She reached out a hand to caress his face and stopped herself. Lanen shook him awake. "Thom, wake up. You have to get ready for the festival."  
  
"But moomm, I don't want to get up!"  
  
"Very funny! Now get up and get dressed or we'll be late." said Lanen as she walked out and shut the door behind her. A few minutes later Thom came out dressed in a white shirt, tan breeches, and a hazel tunic.  
  
"Thanks, Lanen. I wouldn't want to be late to my own knighting." he said as he looked over Lanen. "You look beautiful." Thom offered his arm and together they walked to the mid-winter festival. After the feast, Thom and the other squire were knighted by the king and were presented with their shields. Lanen was talking with Alanna when Thom came took her hand and bowed over it. "I'd be honored if I could have this dance, m'lady."   
  
Lanen smiled as she replied " And so would I Sir Thom, but I'm not a lady." Thom laughed as he pulled her out on to the dance floor. "Thom! I've never danced before" she whispered frantically in his ear.  
  
"Just follow my lead and you'll do fine. I promise, I won't embarrass you." he whispered back as he took her in his arms and started to weave around the dance floor. Lanen laughed merrily as Thom whispered in her ear. Lanen danced all night with various people including George, Numair, and even King Jonathan,(who she knew quite well thanks to all her friends)until it was time to retire. Thom, who was just as tired as Lanen was, walked her back to her rooms. Once she was inside Lanen let down her hair and kicked her shoes off her aching feet.   
  
Thom slid his arm around her waist as she turned and looked up into his eyes. Lanen could barely breath this close to him. He caressed her face, and traced her soft lips with his thumb. "You were the most beautiful woman there tonight, even more than Queen Thayet." he said huskily. Then he bent down and kissed her softly and then more passionately. One thing led to another, and they fell asleep wrapped in each others embrace.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	5. Love Endures

  
The next morning Lanen awoke before Thom from habit. Careful not to disturb him she quietly got dressed and went to the practice courts. The Lioness was there going through her morning stretches, she smiled and waved hello, while Lanen followed suite. They had practiced together for the last two years almost every morning. Slowly, the yards filled with knights and members of the King's Own up for morning practices. Thom entered looking very worn out, and waved hello to his mother and friends. He stretched and decided to start with wrestling. Lanen came over and watched Thom with interest. She knew a few moves from what George and Alanna had taught her.   
  
"Can I wrestle?" said Lanen. Some of the men looked at her and laughed.  
  
"I'll wrestle you anytime" leered a younger knight as others laughed.  
  
"No offense Lanen, but you couldn't last two minutes" Thom told her.  
  
"What, against you? Are you willing to bet on that?" asked Lanen with a defiant look in her bright green eyes.   
  
"OK, you're on" grinned Thom.  
  
"This is going to be fun" muttered someone as people gathered around to watch. Alanna was grinning broadley as she bet George that Lanen would win.  
  
Lanen stripped off her boots and tucked her shirt into her breeches. Circling, Lanen carfuly measured her opponent. He's bigger than me, but I'm smaller and faster, she thought as she grinned and went in for a shot. She grabbed his arm above the elbow, and with her other arm through his legs she flipped him over her shoulder and onto his back. She quickly went over to where Thom now laid on his stomach. Lanen grabbed his arm and pulled it behind his back, while, at the same time shoving his head into the mat. He caught her off-gaurd and flipped her onto her back, where she rolled onto her stomach, working to get her feet free form his grasp. She kicked, rolled backwards, and pushed up with her arms to land on her feet.   
  
Thom was on his feet, circling. He had underestimated her, she was alot stronger and smarter than she appeared. Both were sweating heavily, breathing hard, and tiring. Thom went for Lanen legs, she kicked back and landed, with all her weight, on top of Thom. While keeping pressure on his head, she swung around behind him, grabbed his ankle, and pulled it out from under him where he fell flat on his stomach. She slammed her wrist across his face and forced his head to the side, while, at the same time she grabbed his leg, locked her hands and pressed her knee into his back.   
  
Thom's head now met very painfully with his head as he grunted with the effort to break Lanen's grasp. Crossing his feet, Thom kicked out with all his strength and rolled over, pinning Lanen on her back and sitting on her stomach. Thom grinned down at Lanen, "Give up?" he asked.   
  
"Never" said Lanen, breathing hard and struggling to get up. Lanen flung Thom over her head and landed sitting on top of him. "Ha..." she cried as she got up, defiance and victory now glittering in her eyes. Thom grabbed her wrists and pushed her agianst the wall. They were both sweating hard and gasping for breath as Thom bent down and kissed her hard. Everyone watching whistled and cheered, Alanna was grinning at George with an 'I told you so' look in her eyes. At that moment the pages and squires came pouring into the practice courts.  
  
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Thom and Lanen were eating lunch, when a page entered the room.  
  
"Been lookin' for ye, Sir Thom, m'lady. The King's goin' ta ride into the city an' he says ye're to join them." the page said as he bowed and exited the room. Lanen and Thom exchanged looks, sighed, and got up to go to the stables. The King, his champion, George, Myles, Gary(the Prime Minister), Numair, Daine, Rauol, and a group of the King's Own were mounted and ready to go when they arrived.   
  
Together, the large group rode through the gates, past the temple district, and into the city.  
  
"Why, King Johnathan, did you request we ride into the city with you?" asked Lanen, who was quite curious- usually he only asked those to come with which he wished to speak.  
  
"I'm glad you asked that, Lanen because I wanted to talk to you about something..." Jon trailed off. Dozens of arrows came soaring at them from archerers on the surrounding rooftops, injuring a few of the King's Own. Bows were pulled out and being aimed at the enemy archers, most dismounted to fight the men that were attacking from the alleys.   
  
Alanna screamed a war cry and attacked the two men nearest to her, George was pulling knives from hidden selths and throwing them, Rauol and the King's own formed a tight circle around King Jonathan and Numair- both of who were shinning with the light of their gifts, Jon a deep sapphire blue and Numair a shimmering black flecked with white. Battle raged around them as archers fired at the small group.   
White, hot pain seared Lanen's thigh as she screamed in agony, an arrow was protruding through it. She broke off the head and pulled the arrow through, screaming in pain. She stumbled off her horse and grabbed the sword that flung out of a dead man's grasp. Spinning it in her hand, she advanced on an attacker who pulling his sword free of the dead man's body, fury glittering in her eyes. The attacker, a Scanran from the looks of it, swung it sword up just in time as it connected with Lanen's.  
  
The Scanran stumbled backwards with the force of the blow and grinned. Lanen quickly swung her sword to where it was pointing behind her and trust with all her strength. As it connected with flesh, she thrust once more and pulled her sword free, to hear a body fall behind her.  
Once again she advanced on the Scanran, who backed into the wall of a shop. She picked up his fallen sword and swung both blades to cross inches from the man's neck. She hadn't studied the sword for two years and not learned a trick or two.   
  
"Why did you attack us? Who sent you? What is it you want?" she asked, breathing hard and sweating.  
  
"W-we were s-sent to capture the one with The Essence of Life. The o-one who has the power to destroy the world and bring back th-the dead. Our king didn't say y-you could fight. We were just to bring you to him alive and we would get a reward." Thoughts raced through Lanen's head, she-poor useless Lanen had the power to raise the dead, to destroy the world. How come no one told her?   
  
Her thoughts were cut short, as a voice she knew well cried out in agony. She looked over and saw Thom with a sword being pulled out of his stomach. George threw a knife into the back of Thom's killer, as Alanna ran to her son. Lanen slit the throat of the Scanran she had been questioning her eyes bright with tears. A sharp pain was welling in the pit of her stomach, her leg throbbing, and she screamed out her pain and her fury at the attackers. There was a blaze of white light and when it cleared all the attackers lay dead.   
  
Lanen limped over to Thom who was slowly slipping away.   
  
"I-I'm sorry mo-mom, dad. I-I...love you." Then Thom turned to Lanen, who now knelt beside him,placed his hand on her cheek, and with his last breath whispered,"I love you."  
  
"No...No, Thom...you can't die! W-we're goin' to travel the world. You-you can't leave me, you're all I have left. GODDAMN YOU, THOM! YOU CAN'T DIE!" she screamed "I love you." whispered Lanen as she kissed his cold lips. Alanna was crying into George's shoulder, who wept softly as he held his wife. Lanen was sobbing into her hands and rocking back and forth.   
  
Men all around them gasped as they were blinded in the flash of white heat that engulfed Lanen and Thom. They stared in utter silence as the young knight who just died sat up. Where, only a few minutes ago there was fatal sword thrust, there was now a bright red scar. Thom stood up and walked over to his mother and father, who staring at their son as he walked over and hugged them. The king and Numair were explaining about the essence of life and the attackers.   
  
Lanen, too weak to stand, stared at Thom with a confused look. Was it true? Was she the possessor of the essence of life? It must be true, because Thom was standing right before her eyes when she thought he was dead. She knew she wasn't seeing things because everyone was staring, opened mouth. Lanen struggled to her feet and over to Thom.  
  
"So, you have the power to raise the dead? Why didn't you tell me?" Thom asked as he looked into her face.  
  
"I just discovered it." She smiled at the man she loved and threw her arms around his neck as he kissed her passionately.  
  
"I love you, Lanen."  
  
"and I love you, Sir Thom."   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	6. Partings

  
King Jonathan, Numair, Daine, Alanna, George, Thom, and Lanen sat in the study and contemplated the the attack.   
"I can't understand how the Scanrans would know about Lanen's magic" said Numair as he paced the room. "We only found out about it yesterday, and then even we weren't so sure that's what it could be."  
  
"Damn!" everyone looked at the king startled. "I just remembered that yesterday I was to meet with the Scanran ambassador when Numair came to me. He must of overheard us and informed his king."  
  
"Then we can question him, find out if he heard us, and why his king is attacking Lanen." exclaimed Numair excitedly.  
  
"No, we can't" sighed King Jon,"I was meeting with him to wish him a safe journey. He's probably already back in Scanra. But what I can't seem to understand is why the King wanted to capture Lanen. One could assume that he wants to destroy the world in order to rule it or he could just want to kill Lanen to prevent that from happening. Who knows? There are tons of possible reasons as to what's his motivation."  
  
"I'm sorry you had to find out this way Lanen. We didn't want to tell you because we weren't sure ourselves." said Daine.  
  
"That's alright, but how does this essence of life thing work? How do I control it and use it?" asked Lanen.  
  
"I'm glad you asked. That's the thing-you can't control it and you can't use it at will. The essence of life is controlled by your emotions, as we found out today. The last bearer destroyed the Ancient Ones in pure hate. We didn't know what 'pure hate' meant until this afternoon. You see you hated your attackers because they killed Thom, and in doing so you took away their essence, their very existence. Then in loving Thom so much you gave him back his essence. I believe that this power only works through love and hate because nobody has ever died because you got angry."  
  
"What if these attacks continue?" asked Alanna.  
  
"Then I guess Lanen won't be able to go into the city alone anymore." replied George.  
  
____________________________________________________  
  
* a few weeks later *  
  
Thom sighed as he wiped his face after training with Lanen in the practice courts. "I don't even know why I bother. Every time I go into the city with I'm stuck defending you." The attacks on Lanen were becoming less and less, but almost every time she went into the city there was another attack.   
  
"I can defend myself, and you don't have to go." said Lanen hurt by his tone.  
  
"Yeah, sure. Just like you didn't need any help with your father. You become more and more like him everyday."  
  
"And what would know of my father?" asked Lanen hotly.   
  
"I know that he was a lazy good-for-nothing, just like you." said Thom. By now most of the people in the practice courts were listening intently.   
  
"What?! A lazy go...Well, I certainly didn't here you complaining last night!" said Lanen hotly.  
  
Thom snorted,"That's just about all your good for." At that comment, Lanen's hand lashed out but Thom caught it. Lanen struggled to free her hand when Thom held on to it, so Lanen kicked him in between the legs. As Thom doubled over in pain, Lanen spat at his feet and said "Let's here you complain now, you pompous ass!"  
  
Lanen returned to her rooms, packed her things and headed for the city.  
She was so consumed in her thoughts that Lanen didn't even see the man in front of her until she ran into him.  
  
"I'm sorry I wasn't watching where I was going..." Lanen was cut short as the man grabbed her. Thoughts raced through Lanen's head as she fought to get free, but she knew it was useless-the man was much stronger than her. How could she have been so thoughtless? Thom was right, she couldn't take care of herself.   
  
The man dragged her into an inn nearby, and once inside he let her go. Lanen seized her chance grabbed her knife and swung around to face her kidnaper. Lanen stared at the man in front of her, he was Lanen's height, lanky but, as she had just found out, very strong. He had strong facial features, deep blue eyes, sandy-blond hair, and was very handsome. "Jocelin?" she asked in amazement.   
  
"Lanen, are you crazy?! What the hell do you think your doing? Walking in your own little world and not paying attention! I could have been an attacker, just lucky enough to grab you! You stupid idiot!" He yelled as he hugged her tight. Jocelin was an old friend of Lanen's, who cared for her deeply.  
  
"What?...How did you...where..."   
  
"Lanen, I saw you in the market with King Jonathan when you were attacked. I've been watching you ever since. It's been good to see you. Been keeping high company lately, haven't you?" he asked as he raised his eyebrows.  
  
Lanen sighed as they took a seat, and ordered some ale. "So, what have you been doing?" she asked  
  
"Oh no. I want to here all about what has happened and why these men are attacking you. Starting with your father..." Lanen told him all about how George and Thom had stopped her father from beating her.  
  
"Good, that ass-hole deserved...I'm sorry Lanen,but..." Lanen held up her hand, "No, your right, I'm not going to deny it. My friends helped me to see that." Lanen continued to tell him about the past two years at Pirate's Swoop and the palace. Then she explained the attacks and her new powers. Joss listened to it all quietly, absorbing it all in, and contemplating it all.  
  
"You've changed." he said looking at her. "This essence of life, if you've always had it...then why didn't it kill your father or save your mother and sisters?"  
  
"I asked the same thing. As for my father, I guess it's because I didn't truly hate him, and I have no answer for my mother and sisters. I wish I did, but I don't."  
  
"What are you doing in the city all by yourself? Why aren't you at the palace where you're safe?" Joss asked concerned.  
  
Lanen blushed, she hadn't told him about Thom and didn't intend to. "I don't want to talk about it. So...What are you doing here? I thought you would be off in some distant land, learning all you can." Jocelin was an artist and had left Corus in search of a better education.  
  
"I was, but I felt compelled to come back to Corus and I'm glad I did."  
  
"What do you plan to do now?"  
  
"Travel, look for jobs here and there. You?"  
  
"Well...I don't know."  
  
"Well, with the trouble you've been in you're not going anywhere by yourself." He thought for a moment then said "You're coming with me, weather you like it or not! I not going to sit here and let you walk to your doom."   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	7. Cria Fair

*two weeks later*  
  
Lanen studied the countryside as she walked beside Jocelin, thinking. Why am I going with Jocelin? I guess it's my fault that I didn't tell him about Thom and the fight we had. How did I get myself into this? I only wanted to stay in the city until Thom learned his lesson. Lanen sighed, it was good to see Joss again; she hadn't realized how much she had missed him.  
  
"What are you thinking about?" asked Joss as he glanced sideways at her.  
  
"I-I was just thinking about about my friend Daine. She used to live in a village here in Galla, Snowsdale. Have you heard of it?"  
  
Joss looked at his traveling companion suspiciously. "I've heard of it, but I've never been there. Are you sure there's not something else bothering you?" Joss was worried about Lanen. Since they had set out from Corus Lanen wasn't eating much, but Joss knew she thought she was hiding it from him.   
  
"Yeah, I'm fine. My back is just soar from so much walking. Are we almost to Cria? It's getting dark and I don't want another attack." said Lanen.   
  
"We're already here. There's an inn I know of not to far ahead." replied Joss.  
  
When they reached the inn, a fat, bald headed man approached them with a young girl not far behind.   
  
"G'day." greeted the Inn-keeper as he looked them over. "Travelers, I suppose ye'll be wantin' rooms? Ye'er in luck, I have one left. Got a pretty full house, what with the fair and all. So, what'll it be?"  
  
"We'll take the room, along with some hot food and ale." Joss told the inn-keeper.  
  
"I'd like a hot bath, before I eat." said Lanen as the young girl went off.  
  
"Very well, m'lady. I'll have the maid fetch ye when it's ready. So are ye in town for the fair?" asked the friendly man, as he showed them to a table.  
  
"Yes, I'm a painter." said Joss.  
  
"Hey! What do ye think yer a doin'?" yelled the inn-keeper as he left.  
Lanen and Joss sat at the table sipping ale when the young girl informed Lanen her bath was ready.   
  
In her room, Lanen stripped off her clothes and gently lowered her aching body into the hot bath. The hot water soothed her soar lower back, which had been bothering her since they had left Corus. Lanen was also having trouble keeping food down. She thought both had been because of all the unaccustomed walking at first, but then it persisted. She didn't complain to Jocelin, but she knew he suspected she was ill.   
  
Joss had eaten and was now enjoying the noise common room. After a while, he wondered what had happened to Lanen. So he went up to the room to check and tapped on the door. "Lanen? Lanen, what are you doing in there?" When she didn't answer, he opened the door, looked in and chuckled to himself. She had fallen alseep during her bath. He entered the room and gently shook her awake. He hadn't realized how thin she had become; he knew it was because she hadn't been eating.   
  
Lanen awoke to see Jocelin standing beside the tub. She didn't care that he had seen her naked, she was to tired to care. Joss turned around as Lanen stood and wrapped a towel around her body. He kept his back turned as he listened to her dress.   
  
"Lanen, I'm worried about you. You don't look well, and you're much thinner than you were when we left Corus. I think you need to see a healer." said Joss  
  
"Don't be ridiculous, Joss. I'm fine, I don't need to see a healer." said Lanen with a false laugh.  
  
"Damn, Lanen! When are you going to stop lying to me?! You can trust me, you know you can. I know that you haven't been eating very much, can't you tell me why?"  
  
"Joss..." said Lanen as she came up behind him. "I-I don't know why. I j-just can't seem to keep anything down." she cried as tears slowly rolled down her face. Joss turned around and took her in his arms, holding her while she wept. "I do trust you. I do. I'm sorry, I'm just tired."  
  
"Well, at least try to eat something. Tomorrow we'll go see a healer and you can see the fair." smiled Joss as he escorted her downstairs to the noise common room.  
  
_______________________________________________   
  
"You silly, silly child." smiled the elderly healer. "Can you not tell that you are with child?"  
  
"W-what? there must be some kind of mistake." the healer shook her head, pated Lanen's hand in sympathy and left to see other patients.   
Joss stood staring at Lanen in shock, and wonder.   
  
"Joss...I-I didn't want to tell you, but I guess I have no choice now. Thom and me-this is his child. He...We had a fight and that's the reason I left the safety of the palace. I-I'm sorry...I wanted to forget" said Lanen.  
  
Jocelin smiled as he took her in his arms. "Congratulations, Lady Lanen. Your going to be a mother." For a minute Joss was so close, Lanen found it hard to breath. Then he suddenly pulled away saying, "Lets go see the fair, while I find some work."   
  
They remained at the fair for a week, while Lanen explored the wonders of distant lands and Jocelin painted.  
  
___________________________________________________  
  
A few hours after the fight, Thom had realized how harsh he had been.  
He went into the city, searching for Lanen and praying that she was alright. He went into every inn and asked about her. Until an inn keeper told Thom that she had left with a very nice young man, headed for the fair in Cria, Galla.  
  
For the last three weeks Thom had been miserable without Lanen. He trained harder than ever with the hopes of putting her out of his mind. He only stopped to eat and sleep.   



	8. Forest attack

  
It's been two months since Lanen had discovered she was pregnant. Soon, she would need bigger colthes to fit her growing belly.   
The pair had been traveling from fiefs to manors painting for the nobles, in return for food and board. Word of Jocelin's ability had been spreading, which meant more work and more trouble. For the Scanrans had figured out who Lanen was traveling with and were watching them very closely, waiting for the chance to attack.  
  
"Thank you, m'lord it has been a pleasure working for you." said Jocelin.   
  
"No, thank you. I have never seen an artist with the talent and grace you pocess. I hope to see you again sometime, may Mithros guide your way." he said to Jocelin and then turned to Lanen. "Lady, it has been a pleasure." said the lord as he kissed Lanen's hand. Lingering just a little to much, noted Joss.  
  
"G'day m'lord" said Lanen as they turned to leave. When they were out of earshot Lanen turned to Joss, disgust flashing in her green eyes. "That man is a pig! He practically threw himself on me, and right in front of his own wife. I'm glad we didn't stay any longer, I don't know if I can stand any more. And his wife! just sitting there and taking it. If my husband ever did that to me I wouldn't just sit there and take it, I'd..." Lanen stoped short as Joss's laughter filled the air.  
  
All Joss could do was laugh in relieve and at the picture this presented. "Yea, I'd like to see you sit there and watch your husband lust visabily after another women."   
  
At that Lanen started laughing too, until she triped. As she started tumbling down the hill and into the forest, all she could think about was the child that was growing inside her. She clutched her stomach and prayed to the Goddess for the life of her baby, forgeting that if the child died she had the power to bring it back.   
  
When she finaly stopped rolling down the hill, she could see through the blurr of her tears Joss skidding down the hill towards her. "Lanen! Oh Gods, Lanen are you alright? Is the baby..." he said as she nodded her head.   
  
He took her in his arms and held her, forgeting about their troubles. She felt so right in the circle of his arms. He pulled away to see her face, and then all he could remember was his lips meeting hers.  
  
As Joss softly kissed Lanen, she felt a chill go down her spine and the longing she had felt for so long melted away. She hadn't felt this way since the last time she had kissed Thom. At the thought of him, a jolt of pain and guilt shot through her heart. She wanted to pull away from Joss, but his lips and body against hers felt so comforting.  
  
Lanen's decision was made for her as arrows sliced threw the air. The Scanrans had caught them off-guard. Ten attackers came through the trees and surrounded them. Lanen drew out her knives, and threw two at the oncoming men. At Lanen's back Joss drew his sword, and fought off two Scanrans.   
  
A short man with a double headed axe came at Lanen yelling. She picked up a dead attackers sword and fended off the blow, her arms screaming in protest at the force of it. The man sneered at Lanen, and while he did so she kicked him in the stomach. He went stumbling backwards into the decay of leaves, losing hold of his ax as it sunk deep into the flesh of his stomach.   
  
An archer high in a tree locked Jocelin as his traget, and loosed. Lanen felt the force of Joss's body as he fell backwards, an arrow protruding out of his abdomen, a deep velvet stain surrounding it. Lanen turned around and caught him, the Scanrans formed a loose circle around them.   
  
"What the hell do you want from me, danm it?!" screamed Lanen.  
  
"Our lord wants your power, for one, and is paying a heavty award." answered a tall, long haired Scanran with the blonde hair and bule eyes of all his people.  
  
"You want my power?" asked Lanen. "Then have it!" she cried in a blinding falsh of white light. All the men lay dead, and the archers in the trees were falling to the forest floor. "Come on Joss, lets get out of here. I think there's more coming." she said, as in the distance she heard leaves crackle and twigs snap. She got up, supported Joss on one side and they slowly walked away from the dead bodies, deeper into the forest.  
  
When they were a few miles away, and near a stream, Lanen and Joss stopped. She rolled out a blanket for him, and gathered wood for a fire.  
  
Jocelin gingerly lowered himself to the bedroll, laying on one side while the arrow jutted out of the other. Once Lanen had a fire going, she dug out a small poker used for the camp fire and placed it in the flames. Then gathered some water from the mountain stream nearby.  
  
After that was done she went to Jocelin, who had his eyes closed in pain, and examined the wound. "I'm going to have to pull it out." she said, sympathy in her eyes. She removed her archer's guard and put it in his mouth, then she gently broke off the head and quickly pulled the arrow through. The clearing around them was filled with Joss's muffled screams and the crackling of the flames.  
  
Lanen went to the fire and pulled out the red hot poker. Her back was turned on Joss, as she did not want him to see what she was about to do.   
  
With the poker concealed behind her back she went to Joss, looked into his eyes now glazed with pain, and kissed him hard on the mouth as she thrust the hot iron into his flesh, searing away any infection. Lanen had never seen a grown man faint, and would bet that she never would. So, when Joss fainted she was mildly surprised, and despite the seriousness of the situation, found it very funny. Silently laughing to herself, Lanen proceded to clean and bandage the wound.   
  
Unbeknownst to them, in the shadows of the giant trees, stood a young man, watching. And when the young woman kissed the man lying on the ground, he turned and walked away.  
  
______________________________________  
  
After Thom had gotten over his intial anger with Lanen, he relized how much he had missed her. So for the last two months he had been searching for her and her companion.   
  
He went to Cria, in Galla where the fair was held and found out from an inn-keeper that they had left, now traveling from fiefs to manors in search of work.  
  
Thom was soon able to pick up their trail, and had followed them from place to place. At the last fief that he had visited, he had found that they had only just left.   
  
Excited at the aspect of soon holding Lanen in his arms again, Thom headed into the forest. Only when it was to late did he hear the distant sounds of fighting. Following the sounds, he came to a part of the forest where the battle had taken place, now scattered with bodies, Thom knew that there had been another attack.  
  
Fearing for Lanen, he quickly followed the sound of a stream knowing that if she were hurt she would go there. When he saw her he knew she was okay, but instead of running to her, he stayed in the shadows of the trees. She was kneeling next to her companion, What was his name? wondered Thom. Jocelin, yes that was it, a name Thom would soon come to hate. When he saw Lanen bend down and kiss Jocelin, he stiffly turned around and walked away.   
  
How could I have thought that she would have run into my open arms? Would have forgiven me and loved me? No not Lanen, he thought, she was not like all other women and I was fool enough to fall in love with her! 


	9. Hardships

"Where do ye think ye're going?" asked a burly guardsman.  
  
"I-I need to get into the palace, it's an emergency. I have to speak to the king." gasped the handsome young man, with deep blue eyes and sandy-blonde hair.   
  
"Do ye have a message or an invitation?" asked the guard.  
  
"No, but..."   
  
"Listen lad" said the man, as he placed a hand on his sword, "if ye know what's good for ye, ye'll leave."  
  
"I don't mean any trouble. If you won't let me in to see the King, then will you admit me to see Sir Thom or Lady Alanna of Pirate's Swoop?" said the lanky young man.  
  
"What business do ye have with them?" he asked, suspicously.  
  
"It's concerns a very close friend of theirs, please it's very important that I see them right away."  
  
"Who?"  
  
"Lanen Authy, you wouldn't-"   
  
"Follow me" said the guardsman. He led the young man through the palace and into a small study, where stood the king's champion and her son. "Corum, what's...?" asked Alanna, eyeing the young man that followed her old friend.  
  
"He says that it concerns Lanen. I'll leave him to you, I've got duty." said Corum as he turned and left.   
  
"What do you want? Surely you, and Lanen are getting along just fine." Thom said coldly, jealousy and hate showing in his hazel eyes.   
  
"I can only assume you're Thom, are you still mad at her?" asked Jocelin astonished.  
  
"I wasn't, but that was until I saw you and Lanen kissing in the forest after an attack. I see she didn't waste anytime finding a replacement."  
  
"After the battle... well you obviously weren't watching close enough. I was wounded," he said showing them the scar," the only reason Lanen kissed me is so I wouldn't see she was about to stick a hot poker in me. Me and Lanen....we're just friends." sighed Joss. Alanna sat listening to this exchange quietly. When Thom had come back without Lanen, she had tired to find out from Thom and when that hadn't worked, she had always wondered why and now she knew. "I don't believe we've met m'lady, I'm Jocelin and you're the Lioness." said Joss grinning.   
  
"It's nice to meet you. Corum said you're here about Lanen...where is she?" asked Alanna, dreading the answer.   
  
"Lanen's been captured..." replied Jocelin, pain in his voice.  
  
_________________________________________________  
  
Darkness...Lanen's back hurt, feeling had left her hands and feet long ago, she wasn't sure of how long it had been since she was captured. She had stopped fighting the binds that tied her hands and feet, now a bloody mess. She was tired, exhausted, and hungry. Coming out of her thoughts, Lanen realized they had stopped and someone was in the wagon, fumbling with the ties of her blindfold.  
  
Light flooded into Lanen's vision, stinging her eyes. She tired to sit up, moaning and grunting with the effort. The rugged man laughed at Lanen's effort and made no attempt to assist her. "The delicate flower does have weakness." he said mockingly sarcastic. "Not that it's any of business, but we've stopped at an inn tonight. If I had my way, I'd leave you in the wagon to suffer, but my leage has different wishes. He says your to be treated fairly." grunted the scanran officer.   
  
"And what would your so called King know about fairness?" mumbled Lanen. Glaring at her, he continued: " You're to be my wife, to make things seem natural we'll remove your bonds. BUT, if you make one movement that even suggests you're trying to escape, you'll regret it."   
  
Going behind Lanen, he untied her feet first. Seeing her chance, Lanen kicked backwards, into his lower abdominal area, and made a run for it. The vigorous man had quick reflexes and was on top of her before she even got a foot away, but Lanen refused to give up. Praying to the gods for more strength, she fought with what she knew, but unfortunately her hands were still contained behind her back with all the man's weight upon her.   
  
"I warned you..." growled the man, as he flipped her onto her back. Lanen spit squarely in his face and told him to go to hell. Wiping his face, he backhanded her across the cheek, but Lanen stared defiantly back. "Your a feisty little one" he said sneering at her, and feeling the body beneath his. "I'd teach you a lesson, you'd never forget..." he said trailing off. "Why don't you? or has your king ordered you otherwise?" Lanen replied, smiling knowingly.   
  
The officer roughly shoved himself off of her and retied her hands. "For that, you'll stay here and receive nothing but bread and water." he said as he existed the wagon. 


End file.
